When Will I Find My Soulmate?
There was a time when I wondered if every guy I was attracted to was my soulmate.
I was searching for Mr. Right, and at age twenty-seven I was determined to find him. It was 1994, the year I lost my mother to ovarian cancer on her forty-seventh birthday. That’s when I realized life was too short to live without passion or purpose, and I mustered the courage to admit to my then husband I was not in love with him.
He popped the question on my twenty-first birthday, family and friends looking on. We’d only been dating a couple months. I stood there stalling with gasps of surprise watching him holding the ring. My heart was urging me to say “let’s wait” but I couldn’t force the words past my lips. Then my dad broke the silence and asked, “Well aren’t you going to answer the boy,” so I said yes.
However, I was still rebounding hard, carrying a torch for my ex-boyfriend from high school. Ours was a fiery, codependent relationship based on sex and control. It began when I was sixteen and raged on and off for five years. We’d been living together and after we split he moved away and I moved back in with my parents. This time my father forbid me to see him again and the punishment for disobedience was family exile.
He was your typical bad boy, devilishly handsome and irresistibly charming until drunk. That’s when he would become violent. We had some knock down drag outs. Of course he was always sorry later and would cry and say how much he loved me. Our chemistry was intoxicating and I wrongly mistook his possessiveness for love.
Obviously, it was an unhealthy relationship, so I begged God for the strength to stay away from him and to please send me my true love.
My husband was the complete opposite of my ex-boyfriend. He fit every parent’s description of the perfect man for their daughter. He was loyal, a good father and stable provider. Our union lasted seven years and from it came my first born, a gift from God and my pride and joy.
Even though we split it was not a mistake; nothing really ever is. There are only opportunities for growth, but this took me a while to learn.
After I announced I wanted a divorce, I tracked down my ex-boyfriend to test the waters. He said he had also not stopped thinking about me. Convinced we were soulmates, in no time we were back together but our rekindling lasted only a year.
Nothing had really changed except that I was now a mother with a responsibility to set a good example. When I left him for good I was sick inside, punishing myself for repeated mistakes and wrecked progress.
By the time I turned thirty I had burned through five more “maybe this is the one” relationships, and that was just the beginning of my journey to find my soulmate, self-love and happiness.
In short it took more than twenty tries and a lot of heartache to find Mr. Right, so needless to say, I’m an expert on the wrong way to win a man.
Acting the sex-crazed mind blowing teaser who aims to please, with curves and a smart head for business, just isn’t the magic formula. Take it from me, every time I wore that mask I lost. And I know you know that mask, every woman does at least. I call it Seductress Syndrome. We are taught it is how a woman should be by the media: sex sells.
I played a convincing I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you’re a man kind of girl. When I walked into a room both men and women turned their heads. This filled me with pride which I now know was extreme vanity.
In addition to being externally beautiful, I was a high paid executive and drove a convertible BMW. This is what I thought men wanted, a sexy, successful, strong, independent woman. It’s what society told me I should be. Even my own mother jokingly said, “Learn how to give a good blow job and you can get a man to take care of you.”
But when it came to relationships I was always left wondering what was wrong with me? What was my problem? What was his? Why didn’t even one of the men I so desperately yearned for turn out to be my happily-ever-after?
I was always physically desired and used, but never loved. Sound familiar?
I purchased a deck of tarot cards in 1996, desperate to uncover how a guy I was seeing at the time really felt about me. I was hoping to get inside his head, little aware I was going to be delving deep inside my own.
I eventually discovered who I really am, what my purpose is, and drew my soulmate into my life. We are married, share a deeply intimate, otherworldly connection, and made a beautiful daughter together, our love child.
I found the love, acceptance, and deep respect I craved, only after learning to give these things to myself. Once I recognized loss as an opportunity for growth and vowed never again to abandon my own heart, or to settle for less than what I deserved, everything changed.
After learning much about myself and others, I became a tarot card reader and consulted with thousands of people from across the globe through my website.
I can confidently say that love is the #1 topic for both women and men alike, yes even men. The #1 question asked was “When will I find my soulmate?” My answer was always the same, “When you find and love yourself.” The next question was naturally, “How do I find myself?” or “How do I love myself?”
The purpose of this book, and my life, is to help answer these questions by aiding you along on the path of self-discovery. The search for who you are has already begun, that’s why you have been drawn to this information.
I know why you’re here;
An awakening is coming.
Are you ready?
If you play with fire
It will burn you to your core,
Reveal who you really are.
Everything not real will fall away
Leaving you alone with yourself.
To be born anew
You must be willing to die,
To rise from the depths of your own ashes.
Not many have the valor to walk
Through the valley of their own shadows.
You are not who you think you are
And this frightens you.
Because deep inside your soul
You know something is missing.
You know I’m right.
That something is why you came,
But it’s not what you think.
It’s a mystery.
Ask God to know
And the Creator will show you
Who you really are
And what you really need.
The road to self-awareness ultimately leads to an inner marriage with Divine Love; a harmonic convergence transpires within.
There is no more urgent a need than for us as individuals and collectively to awaken to the truth of who we really are and the power of love. Love is the only thing that is real and worth pursuing.
You are the ONE you are looking for, you just don’t know it yet. You can harness the Law of Attraction to discover yourself, attract your soulmate, and find lasting happiness and prosperity, once you know how it really works.
Download the free digital version of my book, How to Find Your Soulmate, Self-Love, and Happiness (Love is the Key to the Law of Attraction), on Amazon Kindle here.