Coping with Death and Pain
Dealing with the Death of My Mother
I was asked in an e-mail, HOW I CAME UP WITH MY BELIEFS? This was my reply:
I came up with my beliefs by seeking the truth. I prayed to God to send the Holy Spirit to guide me in my search to know the truth… and asked not to let me be lead astray by any man. In turn I promised that I would seek… and I have not stopped seeking. It is promised in the Bible that we will know the truth if we seek it out. “Seek and you shall find… knock and the door shall be opened.”
My Mother was sick with cancer when I prayed that prayer… and she died the day she turned 47, on her birthday, within the same hour she was born. Before she was sick, she prayed one day to God that if He would only save her family, that she would do anything… that she would even be willing to die for us, if that’s what it would take to make us find God. Oddly enough… even though she was declared in perfect health just 3 months earlier by a physical… she ended up with the deadliest form of Ovarian Cancer, which was spread throughout her entire body, only one month after praying that prayer. She died almost exactly one year later.
Her sickness caused me to seek answers in God… and He has opened my heart in love with His truth… and I in-turn want to share it with everyone that God chooses to place into my life!
WORKING THROUGH PAIN
I want you to know how HAPPY I am that I have YOU and Sherion in my life… people who understand me. If I didn’t have you to express my feelings to, someone who really understood me, I might go crazy. It helps me to write to you… it’s like therapy in a way.
I was listening to the VERVE CD while getting ready for work, and the song “… the drugs don’t work, they just make you worse, but I know I’ll see your face again…” I have been overwhelmed this morning with Love, wanting to cry, and fighting back the tears. I have been picturing the last time I was with my Mom and it makes me so shaky inside. I finally understand how BIG her love was in the end.
Sherion called me this morning, and through our conversation, she said that she wished that my dad and brother could really understand how much I loved them. They don’t TRULY understand why I couldn’t work with them, and they are hurt that I left. They think that I am so selfish and into myself. They think that I don’t really care about them.
My Dad is waiting for me to come to him and say that I was wrong for leaving and to apologize to him. I have told them that I was sorry, but that I just could not be there anymore. They don’t understand that I have been on a quest to know God and His Love, which is the real reason I left, BUT, HOW CAN I EXPLAIN SOMETHING THAT THEIR MINDS ARE NOT TRULY OPEN TO UNDERSTANDING AT THIS TIME. Following my faith and intuition sounds like some kind of VOODOO to them.
I love them so much, and I wish that they could see how that when they are judging me… “that how they see me is in actuality, HOW THEY SEE THEMSELVES”… “that they are seeing me with what they are seeing with.”
I am just overwhelmed this morning with real LOVE. I just keep thinking that I am truly willing to be used however is necessary to help wake them up. I truly feel for the first time, God’s Love on a level that gives me the strength to say that I would willing lay down my life for them, if it would help them find God in their hearts. Now I really know how much my Mother loved us when she prayed that prayer to God to use her however he wished, but to please just save her family.
I know now that she truly did find the LOVE OF GOD inside her… and that she is OK.
Thank you for sharing with me…
I Love You,
A REPLY FROM DARREN
Love does “hurt” sometimes… it hurts in a way that your soul is tugging at you telling you that something needs to be done or understood. You are obviously right in thinking that your stepfather sees you through his eyes, which is to say as he sees himself. When you think of it though, who does not reflect their own personal experiences and lives onto others. Many people do not take the time to understand another soul’s purpose. Does this make them bad people? Absolutely not. In reality, I feel that your stepfather is doing what he thinks is best for you. He assumes that his way of life, which has brought him much happiness (even though a false happiness as we know it), is what will make others, as well as you, happy also.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that your stepfather loves you very much also. He helped raise you from a young age and wants the best for you just like you do for him. You have moved on to a better understanding of what is best for you. Your responsibility is not to make him think that what you are saying is not “voodoo,” but to let him know that your choice to leave the business was in no way a reflection of your feelings for him. For I am sure that he feels anger towards you not because you left the business, but because he feels you took your love away from him for something that he did. Go to him and let him know that is not so. You love him now more than ever and that business or no business; you will always love him. Apologizing will not help in this matter because the true meaning of your departure goes beyond what simple words can express. saying your sorry, although necessary in instances where an apology is due, does not seem to apply here. Are you sorry that you have become closer to God? Let your stepfather know that you have found a level of peace within yourself and that you want the peace between you and him to return. If you are honest in your approach and in your words, then no one can deny their value.
Talk to you soon and take care of yourself.
I love you,
A REPLY FROM SHERION
Sherion wrote in response to my letter to Darren:
This is beautiful. It is so good, so wonderful, so very healing that you are coming to an understanding of your mother’s beautiful and loving life and to your own life. LOVE is the very best way to describe her -and yourself. I will share this with your Dad tonight. Your words are clear, strong and very loving — as well as full of hurt. You are so very tender, so sensitive. This is a special gift, Shelley. Cultivate it. They are just a small reflection of the love that God has for us and how much He wants us to have a life filled with the Light.
You are special. I am grateful to Lynn for the gift of you! You are surrounded by love and light. God is within your heart and you are experiencing this wonderful peace that passes all understanding.
I love you — very much,
SOMETHING ABOUT PAIN
I believe that God designed us to have feelings, so that we can be aware of the lessons we need to learn. If we never felt any pain, we wouldn’t be aware that anything was wrong inside of us. I believe the pain is a signal from our subconscious that is sending us a red flag that says “OK… feel that… there is a lesson for you to learn here.”
If you are always trying to control your feelings, by avoiding them or blocking them out, you are actually allowing your ego to rule your life (against God’s design), and are causing yourself to become more and more detached from your soul. To be WHOLE we must allow ourselves to feel pain, recognize that there is an important lesson to be learned from it, and then get on with the business of learning it, by greeting it head on. (Isn’t it ironic that by avoiding pain, we actually are preventing our own healing?) Only when we stop fearing pain will we truly ever live a happy healthy life.
I’ve discovered the hard way, (many times), that pain is a good thing… because now every time I feel it, I look at it as another opportunity for my growth (which is the #1 most important thing). When I put those steps into action, I end up growing by leaps and bounds. And the reward is, that once you learn the lesson, the pain stops…(and as a double bonus, you stop repeating the same old mistakes). What a beautiful system God designed… you only have to feel that pain once (for ONE LAST time) instead of over and over again.